I have been away from hereabouts for several days. In case anyone was wondering what happened to me, here it is.
Last week I was looking up on the web to see where I could buy an LED flash light. That is how I got to that site where hundreds of such lights were listed.After browsing for a few minutes, I started to get a headache. How is one to make a decision? Did I need a pocket lamp?headlamp? Headlight? Search light? Davy's safety lamp? Mary's little lamp? I was tired and was planning to come look another day when this particular listing caught my eye. It was just an old looking lamp which obviously didn't need batteries but was powered by oil. It was cheap and the listing was by a certain Vizier17 or something. I thought to myself, " Here's is one whiz kid, who is putting himself through school. He has to pay up the fees for the coming examination and the poor kid is penniless and now has to sell his granma's dear old lamp to raise the necessary sum!"
That is how I ended up with that lamp in my hand that evening. I was eyeing it and turning it this way and that while thinking kindly thoughts about the whiz kid. Suddenly I heard a " POOF!! " There was some minor fireworks in the room. And once the dust settled down, there was this bearded, thuggish guy standing over me quivering as if he were some kind of flame. To say I was startled would be an understatement. It was MY room, so I was holding the moral high ground and so proceeded to demand explanations from the fellow.
" Hey, look here!! What is the idea of intruding like this? You almost scared the shittoutofme there, coming in like that!! And if you think you can rob me, you are going to look silly when you find out I am all broke right now! "
" I beg your pardon for your consternation, Huzoor. You see, I am the genie that haunt the lamp you are holding in your hands. When you rub it in that special way, I am supposed to jump out and ask you what you need!! "
" You mean you are one of those genies that come out of bottles and lamps and grant wishes? "
" Yes, Huzoor. Your wish is my command. What do I do for you now? You said you are broke. How about some diamonds and pearls? At least some gold or silver? "
" Nah, that won't work. The government is not going to like that. Things have changed a lot while you were sitting in that lamp all this time. May be sackfuls of local currency, someday when I have a safe place to keep it. All unmarked and of non sequential numbers, of course. By the way, what do I call you, genie? "
" My name is Djinn, Huzoor "
" That is an odd name and one rather difficult to pronounce. Are you sure about that D? Could it be silent? "
" As you wish, Huzoor "
" Okay Jinn, now I am glad to know that you are around to grant me anything I may wish for but we have a small problem. I don't remember how exactly I rubbed that time to bring you out. And I may not be able to get you out the next time. Don't this thing has an instruction manual, describing the correct procedure? "
" No problem, Huzoor "
And he proceeded to pull out a book titled, " Magic lamp procedures for Dummies " from thin air and handed it to me. While I was idly leafing through the manual, I asked him if he mostly handled precious stones and metals to give away to people like me. He said talking parrots, camels laden with diamonds and dancing girls were also in great demand. I said I wouldn't mind a dancing girl
right now, without much hope, you know.
POOF! POOF!!
Djinn and the Arabian princess were in my midst.
I dismissed Djinn for the night and proceeded to get acquainted with the girl. To break the ice, I told her that she better be not boring. To impress her, I lied to her that it is my custom to behead boring girls next morning. If she didn't believe me, she only needed to look up in that big book over there, 1001 Arabian Nights.
" Pooh! You don't seem to be the kind that can afford a blade for yourself, for a much needed shave " , said she, all derision.
I told her that it is not a problem. My man Djinn can get me a sword in an instant if I only wished for it. Did she want confirmation from Djinn?
The confirmation came instantly from the other side of the door, where the faithful fellow was keeping guard not to miss anything. So I asked him why don't he use his time for something else other than eavesdropping outside my door. Like, why not go online and catch up with what was happening in this world while he was sleeping in that darn lamp? And he floats away.
------------------------------------------
Early morning comes and I wish for a strong coffee. While sipping the coffee, I address the first problem of the day. The girl has to go as the landlord is touchy about these things. Till I have my own palace and harem, she will have to make daily trips. Thinking about the construction project, I ask Jinn if he can take up the project. He says he can build it in an instant but he is powerless in getting the permissions from the local officials.
So, you see, I am kind of busy these days..
Last week I was looking up on the web to see where I could buy an LED flash light. That is how I got to that site where hundreds of such lights were listed.After browsing for a few minutes, I started to get a headache. How is one to make a decision? Did I need a pocket lamp?headlamp? Headlight? Search light? Davy's safety lamp? Mary's little lamp? I was tired and was planning to come look another day when this particular listing caught my eye. It was just an old looking lamp which obviously didn't need batteries but was powered by oil. It was cheap and the listing was by a certain Vizier17 or something. I thought to myself, " Here's is one whiz kid, who is putting himself through school. He has to pay up the fees for the coming examination and the poor kid is penniless and now has to sell his granma's dear old lamp to raise the necessary sum!"
That is how I ended up with that lamp in my hand that evening. I was eyeing it and turning it this way and that while thinking kindly thoughts about the whiz kid. Suddenly I heard a " POOF!! " There was some minor fireworks in the room. And once the dust settled down, there was this bearded, thuggish guy standing over me quivering as if he were some kind of flame. To say I was startled would be an understatement. It was MY room, so I was holding the moral high ground and so proceeded to demand explanations from the fellow.
" Hey, look here!! What is the idea of intruding like this? You almost scared the shittoutofme there, coming in like that!! And if you think you can rob me, you are going to look silly when you find out I am all broke right now! "
" I beg your pardon for your consternation, Huzoor. You see, I am the genie that haunt the lamp you are holding in your hands. When you rub it in that special way, I am supposed to jump out and ask you what you need!! "
" You mean you are one of those genies that come out of bottles and lamps and grant wishes? "
" Yes, Huzoor. Your wish is my command. What do I do for you now? You said you are broke. How about some diamonds and pearls? At least some gold or silver? "
" Nah, that won't work. The government is not going to like that. Things have changed a lot while you were sitting in that lamp all this time. May be sackfuls of local currency, someday when I have a safe place to keep it. All unmarked and of non sequential numbers, of course. By the way, what do I call you, genie? "
" My name is Djinn, Huzoor "
" That is an odd name and one rather difficult to pronounce. Are you sure about that D? Could it be silent? "
" As you wish, Huzoor "
" Okay Jinn, now I am glad to know that you are around to grant me anything I may wish for but we have a small problem. I don't remember how exactly I rubbed that time to bring you out. And I may not be able to get you out the next time. Don't this thing has an instruction manual, describing the correct procedure? "
" No problem, Huzoor "
And he proceeded to pull out a book titled, " Magic lamp procedures for Dummies " from thin air and handed it to me. While I was idly leafing through the manual, I asked him if he mostly handled precious stones and metals to give away to people like me. He said talking parrots, camels laden with diamonds and dancing girls were also in great demand. I said I wouldn't mind a dancing girl
right now, without much hope, you know.
POOF! POOF!!
Djinn and the Arabian princess were in my midst.
I dismissed Djinn for the night and proceeded to get acquainted with the girl. To break the ice, I told her that she better be not boring. To impress her, I lied to her that it is my custom to behead boring girls next morning. If she didn't believe me, she only needed to look up in that big book over there, 1001 Arabian Nights.
" Pooh! You don't seem to be the kind that can afford a blade for yourself, for a much needed shave " , said she, all derision.
I told her that it is not a problem. My man Djinn can get me a sword in an instant if I only wished for it. Did she want confirmation from Djinn?
The confirmation came instantly from the other side of the door, where the faithful fellow was keeping guard not to miss anything. So I asked him why don't he use his time for something else other than eavesdropping outside my door. Like, why not go online and catch up with what was happening in this world while he was sleeping in that darn lamp? And he floats away.
------------------------------------------
Early morning comes and I wish for a strong coffee. While sipping the coffee, I address the first problem of the day. The girl has to go as the landlord is touchy about these things. Till I have my own palace and harem, she will have to make daily trips. Thinking about the construction project, I ask Jinn if he can take up the project. He says he can build it in an instant but he is powerless in getting the permissions from the local officials.
So, you see, I am kind of busy these days..
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